Bringing Intention into The Bedroom
When intention is applied to anything it changes the experience. It gives it meaning, brings sacredness and specialness, and invites full presence to the event.
This can definitely be applied when giving pleasure to your male partner (intention also benefits women, absolutely). Instead of touching your partner or giving fellatio by going through the motions, what if you offered not only your presence, but intended to derive your own delight in giving?
What if you set the intention to love exploring and playing in his sexuality instead of it being something you ‘have to do’? That this part of him is just as lovable as the rest of him.
I love setting up intentional sacred space before giving pleasure, or really any sexual encounter (including solo), by removing things from the room that are my day-to-day items, or objects that clutter or cause stress. I also add things in that make it feel like a sacred ritual: incense, candles, essential oils, lighting, plush blankets, and other items that feel sexy to me. The right music can create a perfect ambiance, and I also like to clear the space energetically. I am intentional with my surroundings so I feel safe myself, and to create a place that is separate from the bustle of the outside world. Just with this shift, I am more relaxed, open, and feeling generous.
Getting yourself relaxed is huge, your nervous system affects your partner’s, as does theirs to yours. Breath work with a partner or alone is such a beautiful practice and can heighten sensitivity, bringing more pleasure for both of you. Eye gazing, meditating, and/or having a moment to honor your partner make a huge difference in the overall experience.
Intentionally slowing the pace down can be an overlooked source of magic. Building anticipation, taking time to sync up to one another, and being present can turn really good sex into epic sex. Touch your partner in other areas before going for the genitals. Massage them, tease them, and shower them with love.
What if your partner’s penis was just a smaller version of them? How can you show this part so much love, reverence, and gratitude? Touching with intention has a totally different experience than just handling it like an object with the goal of orgasm or turn on. How would it feel to try on a form of worship? What if just for the next 5-10 minutes you were totally into it? Like it’s your favorite thing in the world to do? And that you are celebrated for it?!
Communication is also so important, and it’s not all verbal. Learn your partner’s breathing, his movements, his sounds, and his energy. Ask him questions, be open to feedback, and invite him to tell you what is working. You don’t have to be a “master” to give pleasure, especially since everyone is different, we just need to learn to communicate with our partners.
Make it fun! You’re not in the Olympics getting judged on your performance. Laugh with your partner, get creative, and try new things.
It’s not about technique, you could be a master at all the “moves”, but if you’re not present to what you’re feeling, what your partner is experiencing, and really enjoying what you’re doing, it doesn’t matter. Techniques are fun, it’s nice have names for some unique strokes, but your partner might not enjoy the “Palm to Head”, “Corkscrew”, or “Octopussy”.
These are all things I teach in my “Art of the Handjob”, plus so much more (I’m adding some fellatio pointers as well). It’s my favorite class I’ve taught and it gets more refined each time I offer it. If there’s interest, I’ll put together an in-person and a virtual event for this fun class!
If you’ve taken my class, please pass this along to your friends :)