Pleasure In The Mess
I have not just a lockbox, but one of those giant stack of heavy duty drawers you find in a mechanic’s garage FULL of tools to assist me through challenges, transitions, or even to up level my current circumstances.
But sometimes when thrown off center, I forget I have SO many things to use. Many of them are “free”! Like breath, mindset, pleasure practices, and movement.
I got knocked of center and have experienced multiple transitions snd challenges recently:
Ending a relationship that was killing me from the inside out, moving into my own place, recognizing my business shifting out of being primarily massage into sex coaching (which is what I desire, but it’s really scooting!), realizing who my dearest and true friends are, hospitalization of my oldest child, COVID positive baby and I wasn’t feeling great either, having to cancel appointments, clients rescheduling, and a few other things I’ll keep to myself. All in 4-5 weeks time!
So naturally, I felt über stressed, off balance, and afraid. I still am riding waves of grief, which includes anger, resentment, fear, relief, sadness, feelings of loneliness, panic and even bliss. Grief is a complex experience for sure! It’s full of conflicting emotions. Grateful and relieved I’m out of an emotionally exhausting and constructing relationship, but feelings of regret, remorse, sadness, and loneliness exist as well.
In the past, I would use the not-so-great tools. The tools that end up fucking things up more or complicating them, such as drinking, drugs, sex, food, TV, going out, and avoiding thinking about the issues completely. Ultimately, I’m also paying for those unresolved issues I covered up with said numbing agents, and feeling a LOT moving.
This time, I am intentionally willing to heal. To acknowledge trauma, address my emotions instead of suppressing them, and integrating to find wholeness again. As the emotions flood in and my nervous system is thawing, I’m taking it all one step at a time.
I’m using my breath and have been practicing diaphragmatic breathing and Pranic breathing. I also stretch my diaphragm to allow more breath into my body.
I’m moving! BLUSH, yoga, walking/running/skipping/playing in the woods, and dancing.
I am applying natural cures (that have worked many times for me) to what I’m experiencing: acupuncture, homeopathy, food as medicine, herbs, EFT, massage, floating, meditation, and breathwork.
I’ve also been working with therapists and a support group around grief and past abuse.
My favorite and fastest way to feeling bliss, awe, gratitude, and reverence to the present moment in my life are my pleasure practices. I get to reconnect to my pleasure, I feel safe to unwind and move tight or stagnant places in my nervous system. I feel regulated, peaceful, creative, excited, and can visualize my ideal future unfolding with perfect time and in complete faith. It’s fucking MAGIC! It only takes 15-45 minutes if my day, and I notice shifts! I get to feel pleasure EVEN in the mess, the challenge, the squeezing, and the thawing out of all the emotions I held back from expressing in my relationship. It’s a coming back to myself.
I would love to hold space for you as you navigate the dark. I know I am capable of seeing you, hearing you, and holding you, because I’ve been in there, many times. Your big emotions are welcome and encouraged to feel! And I can guide you through practices to resource, feel nourished, hopeful, and to find bliss even in the darkest corners.
Let’s get on a complementary discovery call. A 90 minute exploration where I coach you. You get to experience what I do in real-time. I want you to get incredible value just from one call. You can continue to work with me if it is in alignment, but there is zero pressure. I know I’m here to tend to my corner of the planet, and sharing my gifts is how I do it!
It doesn’t matter if you live in the Kansas City area, or on the other side of the globe. Let’s connect!