Seven Months Celibate: What Pausing From Partner Sex Has Taught Me
“You’re a sex coach and you haven’t had sex in over SIX MONTHS?!”
To be clear, we are talking about partner sex. I’m actually having some of the best sex of my life with myself.
Being celibate from partner sex began first out of necessity for healing. I got out of a bad relationship and my sexuality was attacked in a multitude of ways. I also was busy focusing on me (as well as my kids, my business, and regaining a social life) and didn’t have the energy to entertain partners or let anyone else in.
I went on a few dates after the first three months, because I enjoy company and erotic tension. Flirting is one of my favorite pastimes and I was stretching my muscles. While the dates were fun, I still had a knowing I didn’t want them to pass the gates into my temple, especially with how well I’ve been treating my body and energy.
Once I realized that going without having sex with other people didn’t mean I would die, a shift occurred within me. To explain also, this is the longest I have gone from having sex with another since I started having sex 21 years ago, so shriveling up and the well drying up was low key fear of mine. I have had opportunities to engage sexually, but felt really empowered to say no because it wasn’t a full fuck yes in my body.
Here are some things I have learned from being partner sex celibate:
I’m not going to die if I don’t have sex with another person. I look back and wonder how much of the time did I engage in partner sex out of compulsion or feeling like it was something I had to do?
Full fuck yes consent. Now, even receiving from myself, I ask my body “is this a Yes? No? Maybe?” I honor all of them. If yes, it’s gotta be a fuck yes. If no, I respect that and do something different. With a maybe, I ask myself and my body, what do I need in this moment? It’s not just sexual play either, it’s day to day life. I am sensitive to the nuance of these answers and trust my sensations and wisdom of my body. I feel that as I do this, my body-mind connection grows stronger.
I am learning even more ways to touch myself and enjoy pleasure. It feels like my body is this terrain for sex-ploration. It’s exciting that I get this for myself, but I know it’s opening up new pleasure pathways to share with a partner. There won’t just be one way to get to orgasmic bliss.
I feel more vibrant, magnetic, and sexually alive than I ever have!
I realize the depths and truths of what it means to “be your own longest relationship” and how profoundly beautiful that can be.
I don’t need to fantasize about another person to get and stay turned on.
I love myself more and more and am in awe of what my body can do.
Sex is sacred! I understand this at a cellular level. I feel confident in knowing that with this fresh slate, I will only invite lovers into my temple who are worthy of everything I am.
I’m super creative! I use the sexual energy to manifest, create, and infuse life into other areas instead of just meeting a sexual need.
I have been able to redefine what sex is and means to me. My sexuality is for me! And if I choose to share it with someone, it will come from a conscious place, a safe space within me, and be a gift of collaboration.
In a nutshell, being celibate, taking time off from partner sex, going slow, and exploring yourself are not things to feel bad about, or like you’re depriving yourself of something. It’s an opportunity to discover the depths and wonders of your own sexuality. It doesn’t mean you’re going to dry up or die, but the opposite. I’ve found taking this time for myself has breathed new energy into every corner of my being and area of my life!
You also don’t have to stop having sex with your partners to benefit from self-pleasure practice. If you’re curious to learn more about tools, practices, and the mindset shift of owning YOUR sexuality, let’s have a chat. I will gift you 30 minutes of my time to explore this topic.
Please email me at email@example.com